The Shower

Before Baby:

Remove clothes
Jump in shower
Hang out in the steaming hot water
Contemplate shaving
Soap up
Decide to shave legs & underarms
Wash hair
Hang out in the hot water some more, before it gets cold
Condition hair before the water turns freezing (because I've been in there FAR too long)
Get out of shower at my own speed, take time drying off.

After Baby:

Get bouncy chair into the bathroom
Get screaming baby and put said baby in bouncy chair
Remove clothes and ponder how many days I have worn this shirt...and if I could wear it again. Disgust myself and throw everything in the wash.
Turn the bouncer music on last minute, to buy extra time (the music only lasts so long).
Get in shower and get down to business...quick!
Turn on water
Shampoo hair, this is high priority...if I must leave after this step...at least I have clean hair
Put head out shower curtain to check on baby (baby stopped crying)
Decide baby is ok, go onto next step
Put conditioner in hair, let it stay in hair a minute while soaping up (hello, multitasking)
This is a dangerous step, if baby starts screaming I have conditioner in my hair & soap all over body.
Put head out shower curtain to check on baby, he is grinning from ear to ear. This is great, but I've witnessed him melt down right after a smile like this.
Decide I have a bit more time.
Rinse body & hair, half way through music on bouncy chair turns off...baby screams. Reach out to turn it back on, dripping water on floor & baby.
Finish rinsing off, contemplate shaving...laugh out loud!
Jump out, dry off and pick up baby in what seems like one fluid motion.